Friday

Seven Remarkable ADHD Insights For Helping Our Children Succeed- First-Hand Observation of Dr. Billi In Action


“I feel trapped. I feel stuck. I want to move in a different direction, and I can’t move. I can’t.”
“I’m so sick of people telling me that I’m so smart but that I’m not using my potential. That makes me so mad at myself. I end up hating myself.”
These are direct client quotes in group and private therapy sessions I witnessed while I was in Los Angeles. I had the great honor of spending some time in LA with ADHD Neuro-Cognitive and Behavioral Coach and Therapist, Dr. Billi. Through speaking with her on the radio live, sitting on in some client sessions, participating in a CHADD panel discussion, and witnessing her and her assistant work on her upcoming book; I gained an  intensive crash course on overcoming ADHD symptoms. Let me share with you some of the insights I gained live from this ADHD guru herself.


  1. 1-The Inner Discussion
When people are constantly telling you that you are not trying hard enough, when you constantly feel frustrated and mad at yourself for not following through with what you committed to do; it collectively takes a heavy emotional toll. When one repeatedly faces disheveled results in the face of  behavioral challenges, an inner discussion prevails. The discussion, quite simply, becomes a manta labeling yourself as a hopeless failure.


  1. 2- Don’t Believe
Dr. Billi teaches her clients about their gremlins. Gremlin is a coaching term made famous from the book “Taming Your Gremlin”. Our gremlins, which we all have, are those  little voices that repeat those self-defeating believes we have about ourselves. The gremlin, the voice, will continue to convince you why you are not good enough, why you can’t do it, why you don’t deserve it. Our job is to let him talk, but not to believe him. Our job is to not follow his advice because he’s given us advice in the past that did not serve us well. Dr. Billi empowers her clients to not believe the gremlin, to argue against him, to allow their  own voice to overpower the voice of the gremlin.
Add to the gremlin’s voice; ADHD symptoms like behavioral impulsivity, working memory impairment, distractiveness, and poor time management skills; and sense of failure and overwhelm grows exponentially.
  1. 3- Reframe It
When Dr.Billi’s client says, “I’m not good at that”. Dr. Billi interrupts, firmly yet kindly, “Reframe it”.  When her client says, “My gremlin  says to me ‘Do it later’ and I’m dumb enough to believe him”. Dr. Billi again insists, “No, reframe it”. The client smiles and says, “Oh yes, I am smart enough to know the difference. I’ve been listening to my ADHD gremlin my entire life. But I don’t have to listen to him anymore.”  When we verbally change our reaction  from scolding ourselves to acknowledging ourselves; we create a mindset that empowers us to more productive, optimistic functioning.
  1. 4- Be Specific
When her client says, “I didn’t do all the things I needed to do today. I just walked around kinda lost all day. I need to try harder”. Dr.Billi demands of her clients to take that intimidating overwhelm and break it into small success-oriented action steps. “That’s vague,” Dr.Billi says, “Make it specific so that we can do something with it”.  She guides her clients with ADHD to take our paper and pen (or ipad) and write down the specific things that they will do and exactly when it will be done. Here the specific, focused action-oriented work creates accountability and responsibility.
While most clients with ADHD have a natural resistance to committing on paper, writing lists, following authorative rules; with a coach in a supportive environment; they eventually learn to want to make these changes.

  1. 5- Not an Excuse
Dr. Billi insists that ADHD does not become a crutch.  “Oh, I can’t do this project because I have ADHD” or “I keep doing impulsive, irresponsible, self-destructive things because my ADHD makes me act this way.” Dr.Billi guides her clients and groups from victim to conqueror. The empowered client is trained to change the excuse to an explanation. An explanation included merely as part of the solution. “So, I understand that my ADHD makes me more impulsive. So, knowing that, what do I need to do to overcome this when facing my mother, my workload, my overwhelm?” This way ADHD becomes simply more information to help me face my life at my fullest potential.

Dr. Billi explains to her clients that ADHD is an executive functions impairment, a nuerochemical brain imbalance that physically exasperates these symptoms.
  1. 6- Change the Dance
In my days with Dr. Billi and her clients, I had seen the most  talented, capable, colorful people. They are blessed with a plethora of artistic and creative genius. The genius swarms and dances in front of and around them all the time. The simultaneous colors and motion causes emotional overwhelm, which intimidates to a level that causes an inability to function. When life keeps dancing and prancing before you, you end up walking around clearly knowing what you want to do, but utterly incapable of executing it. Dr. Billi teaches her client to choreograph the dance, to protect themselves, and to take control of their lives.
  1. 7-Inner growth
I believe the greatest lesson I’ve gained from my exposure to ADHD is something I have always believed and have taught my parents and clients. It’s something so powerful that applies to any other unwanted personality or character trait we must face. It’s a new angle on life that, I believe, empowers us to face our life challenges. ADHD can become yet another source of joy for us. By embracing our realities, we can start enjoying our lives more with this gift in our life. What does ADHD give me? How does ADHD allow me to grow, to develop, and to become my most beautiful self?

I was surprised how much the world of ADHD coaching is parallel to our daily, everyday lives and parenting. These seven insights, I find are helpful and inspiring for us, regardless if we deal with ADHD or not. So, thank you Dr. Billi, her clients and group members. Thank you for allowing me this glimpse. Thank you for letting me peek into your lives and for being so utterly inspired by your journeys toward actualization.

I recommend reading more about Dr.Billi’s remarkable system. If you use her services, tell her Gab says hi. She hosted me when I was on my speaking tour in California and was nothing less than an angel sent from heaven

  1. Does your child seem to struggle day after day with focusing on simple tasks? Is it possible that he has ADHD?
  2. Is it possible there there is a bio-physical chemical imbalance that is bringing undo stress and frustration onto my child?
  3. What can I do to find out more about if my child may need additional support in facing his lack of concentration and follow-through?


Help us share this important information with other parents and educators. Place this article in your school newspaper, blog, work newsletter, or site with the following credit line: This article was prepared by Gabi, family communications expert, at www.successfulmodernchild.com.


photo credit:  http://www.morguefile.com/creative/hotblack
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SMC was created by Gabi, MA in Psychology, International Parenting Expert and Family Therapist. Gabi's research into raising successful modern children has taken her around the world. She has taught and inspired groups in Israel, USA, Panama, Peru, and Cambodia, Gabi guides parents to their fullest light around the globe in group teleconference and live workshops. Gabi also takes a very limited number of one-on-one clients for transformational parenting, family, life, and trauma therapy. You may reach Gabi directly at info@successfulmodernchild.com

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